5 Reasons I'm Not "Friends" With Girls

Also featured on Return of Kings.

By Cafe Mocha

1. I Want to Fuck Them

I absolutely love having sex with multiple women and simply put girls do not fuck their friends. If you didn't know that already or if this is a confusing concept, let me make it clearer. GIRLS DO NOT FUCK THEIR FRIENDS. I deplore the friend zone, it's a cold and lonely place, full of unsolicited invites to help organize events for people you'll never care about, frustrated nights of platonic cuddling while watching Grey's Anatomy. Followed by a long depressing masturbation session to facebook pics pornhub videos. But let's not get into that.

My solution, I'm always sexual with girls, I escalate verbally, physically and most importantly early. This leaves her with two options. To fuck me or not to fuck me, I negate the friend zone completely with my actions, I do not let her decide for me.

2. I Crave Intelligent Conversation

I'm almost 3 years into this thing we like to call game, into the manosphere, into "The Red Pill" if you will...wink wink. That means I'm over that initial psychological barrier of doing whatever it takes get laid. Right now, I do and say what I want and whether that means a lady doesn't spread her legs for me, then so be it. Ironically, more often than not she does anyway, hmmm... That means if you're stupid and/or boring, I'm going to tell you that you're stupid and/or boring.

Recently, I was out with some friends at a lounge and I start chatting up a lovely young lady from New York City. The conversation was directed towards, the New York social life, more specifically socialites. I made a comment about the socialite lifestyle being superficial. Despite not being a socialite herself, she threw a fit about me not knowing what I was talking about and how socialites have a really tough existence. I calm her down and tell her there's no need to turn a debate into an argument. She had presented her points, my rebutal.

Me: Just to clarify, we're talking socialites as in millionaire heirs & heiresses, that never had to work for anything in their lives, right?

Her: Yes, they have rough lives, I'm friends with them.

Me: So let's say you have a socialite in NYC and you have a man in Zimbabwe, Africa with a wife and 3 kids making $100 a month, barely able to afford meat for dinner once a week. Who has a tougher existence?

Her:(Without missing a beat) The socialite...

Me:(Sarcastically) It was nice meeting you, have a goodnight.(and I walk away)

The King Kong sized balls on this girl, really she's a hero for holding her frame so strongly. I could learn a thing or two from her. My point isn't that all girls lack intelligence and that men are all geniuses but in my experience, I'm more likely to come across men I can have insightful stimulating conversations with. Why? One, of reasons has to do with the roles we are given growing up but I'll expand my thinking behind that in a future post. My point is that more often than not, girls be stupid and/or boring.

3. I'm Emotionally Stable

It's traditionally known, that men tend to play the more stoic, emotionally solid role in relationships. While women deal with the more emotionally expressive aspects. I can draw from a thousand examples of this, many from my personal experience, to my friends to popular culture. Without fail every time I go a date, the range of emotions I can see my au pair experiencing is quite amusing and astonishing at time. From, nerves to joy, excitement, anger, defiance, curiosity, arousal, hesitance, finally ecstasy and subservience. I’m exhausted just typing that shit out!

My emotions rarely fluctuate, I do have highs and I have lows every now and again but on a scale of 1 – 10 with 1 being suicidal, 5 being passively existing and 10 being first man on the moon high. I consistently stay at 7. happy, motivated but grounded. The only people I see going from 0–10 in 60 seconds and vice versa are girls, emotionally unstable men and blue pill men who have succumbed to the will of an emotional vampire (girl).

4. I Do Not Like Texting

Aaah, our instagram, twitter #generation. Call me old school, but I prefer to let’s say, pick up my phone and call people or even more radically actually converse with them in person. In my opinion, the reasons why people tend to gravitate to these 140 characters of data are because they are either intimidated to chat over the phone or feel they do not have much to contribute in the way of conversation, oh those terrifying awkward silences... The frequency in which, I’ve seen girls engaged in a thumb war with their smartphones, when they are literally surrounded by actual humans is actually deplorable. If you agree to meet people for a social interaction quite frankly, shit or get off the pot. Now if you want to talk about my selfie game, that’s another story...

5. I Actually Read

No, I'm not saying that girls don't read, but it was an awesome subtitle wasn't it? I’m not a snob but let’s face it those future pieces of recycled toilet paper rolls, you call novels are nothing more than white noise between the next episodes of True Blood and Pretty Little Liars. Yes, I’m talking about you Twilight, The Hunger Games and Fifty Shades of Grey sheeple. OK, I’m a bit of a snob but I have nothing against fictional novels low and high brow, some of my favourite reads have ranged from Batman Year One by the almighty Frank Miller, to South of the Border, West of the Sun (Haruki Marukami) to the classic Green Eggs and Ham (Dr. Seuss). All you have to do to balance out the mush is throw in fews gems like, The 4-Hour Workweek (Tim Ferriss), Predictably Irrational (Dan Ariely), 48 Laws of Power (Robert Greene) or a Models, (Mark Manson) ever so often.

The next time you find yourself entering a platonic relationship with a girl, that you find attractive. Ask yourself what value she's actually bringing to your life. Is she actually "hilarious?" Are your conversations really that "deep?" Or are your hormones playing you for a fool? Are you subconsciously living out that age-old blue pill romantic comedy fantasy? Where friendships seem to be dormant volcanoes, caused to erupt into passionate romances, by a series of quirky and fortunate events.